


Sun Was High (So Gone)

by handcversbruise



Series: Our Deal [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Casual Sex, Friends With Benefits, Lies, Love Triangles, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Smoking, Weed, accidental sadness, but then louis gets sad or something, idek i have been listening to a lot of best coast, midnight park trips, this is just self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 21:36:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handcversbruise/pseuds/handcversbruise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis knows Zayn won't stick around afterwards, but he does it anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sun Was High (So Gone)

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by Best Coast's "Sun Was High (So Was I)", "So Gone", with a reference or two to "Our Deal". 
> 
>  
> 
> This was supposed to be fluff, but.

 

It’s easy at first.

 

The first time he and Zayn hook up, it’s in Niall’s parents room. Some kid named Josh has spent the majority of the night handing out brownies laced with god knows what kind of illegal substances. Zayn’s been eyeing Liam all night, but he’s still dating that girl Perrie, so Louis thinks it’s nothing serious. The weed’s hitting him stronger than usual, and he just wants to _touch_ something. He finds Zayn in the kitchen after what feels like an hour of walking, but is probably more like five minutes, laughter building up inside of him.

“What’s so funny?” Zayn asks, but it’s with a smile. Louis likes when Zayn smiles that crinkly-eyed way at him, tongue pressed against his teeth, so he walks closer to his best friend, pulling him into a tight hug.

“You’re pretty Zayn. And you smell like weed, and sunshine, and I love you, dude.”

Louis is really fucking high.

It terrifies him, how close Zayn is. He can count his eyelashes now, can hear his breathing over the loud party music that’s still playing, but he’s not pushing Zayn away. He thinks his heart’s beating so fast, it’s going to fly out of his chest.

“Wanna go upstairs?”

And--yeah.

 

An hour later, Zayn’s smirking at the thought of Niall never knowing what happened in his parents room, Louis is putting his boxers back on with a grin, the whole world turned upside down.

Despite how much more Zayn he wants, this is a one time thing for Louis, and his head’s already messed up because he just swallowed Zayn’s cum more than a little eagerly and--

Friends don’t do that. But then. It’s easy for them.

They sit on couches at parties, smoke too much, end up tangled in each other on a bed that doesn’t belong to them. Zayn will laugh it off, whisper about how good Louis makes him feel before cleaning them both up, tossing Louis away with the used flannels.

If anyone notices the way they come out of the room, hair in various states of disarray, the smell of sex hanging off of them, no one says anything.

It becomes this thing between the two of them, something zayn’s all too eager to keep quiet during the light of day.

Louis doesn’t mind--usually.

 

But when he walks into Niall’s party after a shit day, the last thing he’s expecting to see is Zayn grinding on Liam in the middle of the dance floor.

And, well, okay.

Zayn’s mentioned it in passing, his _thing_ for Liam. He leans in close to Louis, place his lips to his jaw, sliding his hands down the top of Louis’ pants, teasing him in a nearly cruel way, before quietly waxing poetic about Liam. It’s just--

 

Not jealousy.

There’s never been anything romantic between Louis and Zayn, not really. Nothing more than the few whispered “I never want you to leave me’s” Zayn’s so fond of while Louis has his dick in his mouth. They don’t date, especially not each other, unless you count the day trips to In N Out that happen after they smoke, which always end with Zayn telling Louis what Liam would have gotten. (A strawberry shake, and Louis hates strawberry--how can he compare?) So like. That’s not their deal.

Or, it’s not supposed to be.

Louis guesses at some point things shifted from stoned frottage to meaningful blowjobs to _I just really want to be around you._

But he’s not jealous.

Ticked off, yeah, since he only comes to parties to see Zayn anyway. (Not that he’ll ever admit that).

Liam’s right  up against Zayn, placing light kisses against the back of his neck and Zayn--stupid fucking lovestruck Zayn--is leaning back into him, his face practically radiating happiness.

Louis glares at them from the other side of the room, ignores Niall completely, walking back outside before he does something stupid like get in between Liam, shoving him out of the way and claiming Zayn as his.

 

He needs a smoke.

 

There’s a bunch of people crowding together outside on the lawn and Louis figures that’s his best bet. He’s late because he couldn’t decide what to wear, a stupid thing now that he thinks about it, because nothing could ever make Zayn pick him over Liam. Most people are already wasted beyond recognition; there’s a voice inside whispering to him that he shouldn’t take that as a challenge to catch up with them. He shuts that voice up by taking the bowl from a guy he recognizes named Stan.

 

And then it’s like--time just slows down and he can breathe.

 

The boy with the curly hair and green eyes that’s sat next to him feels warm when he cuddles up next to him. Louis thinks the way he gets lost in his own stories and ends up laughing is the most adorable thing he’s ever seen, and for as long as he’s next to him, he isn’t thinking about Zayn and Liam.

Then Zayn’s falling over, trying to crawl on top of him, not so subtly moving Harry (he thinks that’s Curly’s name, or that’s what he heard when the younger boy had pressed his mouth to his neck, mumbling something), simultaneously reaching for the bowl and lighter Louis is holding.

Harry’s laughing at Zayn, and it’s carefree and fun, and it makes Louis want to run away with him, run away from Zayn and Liam and everyone that’s ever doubted him. Zayn looks ridiculous as he tries to force a space between Louis and Harry, and Stan’s passing around more shit but like, the thing is, Zayn’s always getting away with treating people--Louis-- like shit and he’s a little irritated at how Zayn’s presence is ruining his high--alright, so, Louis should have known this would happen but part of him was still hoping their friendship would keep him from getting fucked over.

 

Ha.

 

Zayn’s jostling Harry, wiping the dimpled smile off his face and turning it into a large frown, a look that doesn’t belong on his face at all, and Louis is jumps up, tugging on Zayn’s arm until he gets the hint to stand.

“Let’s take a walk.”

Zayn shrugs, gives half a wave to the group, and follows.

  
  
  


See, the whole reason this has worked so far is because they don’t really.. talk. Louis and Zayn have been friends for years, met at school, lived near each other, came to be known as something like partners in crime--but they weren’t exactly open about their _feelings_. They both have shit they don't want to deal with. If Zayn has something he wants to tell Louis, he will, but Louis is not one to pry. He also doesn’t want to bother Zayn more than he already does, so he keeps quiet and takes everything out on himself.

 

It’s not healthy, not exactly, but it’s them.

And like okay, they probably should talk about the whole “fucking each other regularly” thing that has started but like--how?

Because he knows Zayn won’t want to define anything, and he’s not sure he wants to be with zayn, and Louis is still half freaking out about the fact that he’d rather suck a dick than do anything with a girl, but that’s something no one needs to know about.

 

 

Eventually they find their way to a park that’s a few blocks from Niall’s house. It’s past midnight and the wind’s chilly but he’s more than buzzed from the weed so he thinks he’ll be all right. Zayn leans in close to him, wraps his arm around Louis’ waist and just--

“I can smell him on you.”

 

So much for subtlety

 

Zayn looks at Louis like he’s suddenly grown two heads or something equally as strange, his eyes  giving off this look Louis can’t be arsed to give a shit about when he feels like he’s floating and he wants to laugh at the sound of his own voice.

“What?”

Louis rolls his eyes, but smiles at Zayn. Zayn’s amazing at playing dumb--amazing at most everything except being fucking honest--but he’s not in the mood for it. He leans into Zayn’s touch, rests his head on his shoulder as much as possible given the fact that they’re still making their way to the bench area in the middle of the park.

He can feel the tension in Zayn’s body and it’s putting him on edge. (He remembers earlier when Harry was leaning on him as he lit the bowl for him, the feeling of being perfectly at ease, and wonders just when exactly that stopped happening with Zayn.)

“Relax. I already know about Liam.” He shrugs, because it’s really not a big deal, in the scheme of things. “You like to talk about him before you touch my dick. Like, like you’re reminding yourself that you have someone else, someone who means something.”

Zayn’s eyes grow wide at that, like he wasn’t expecting honesty, and Louis is surprised too but none of it is a lie.

 

They find a bench and sit down.

 

Zayn pulls out a blunt, pats himself in search of a lighter before Louis giggles at the way Zayn’s eyes are red and glazed over, still looking gorgeous as ever, and hands over his own. He lets Louis have the first turn, and he inhales slowly, holding the smoke inside for as long as possible, pushing out all the bad thoughts he’s been having as he exhales.

It’s a relaxation thing, if he thinks about it.

It’s like, he can have a best friend who understands enough not to push him, someone to get high with and forget the world, and someone to fuck him senseless when it’s hard to deal with everything else.

It’s convenient but it’s not real.

(Not real for Zayn, at least. Which is fine. Most of the time. But not today.)

 

There’s a lot of things Louis should be saying, but smoking feels more important.

 

_I think I like you more than you like me, and it hurts that you’re using me to get off cuz you’re too scared to go after the guy you’re in love with?_

 

Inhale. Exhale.

 

“You’re important too.”

 

Zayn curls up next to Louis on the bench that’s not long enough to hold them laying sideways, so he’s mostly on top of Louis, and Louis can see where this is going to go; another night of whispered praises, of Zayn saying he doesn’t want this to ever end, leaving Louis confused as to what exactly this is.

He lets Zayn's lips wander all over him, because he doesn’t know what else to do, and it’s hard to resist your best friend when he looks like a god, all tan skin and dark hair with golden eyes that can see right through him. Louis knows, he knows he’s just as good looking with his own tan skin and bright blue eyes, with cheekbones to die for, but it’s like, sometimes it’s hard to think of yourself as desirable when every important person in your life’s always told you you aren’t. So Zayn wipes away his self doubt, with soft lips that fit his perfectly, and leave him wanting more.

He gives himself a moment before kissing back, just to see if Zayn notices.

He doesn’t.

Louis is used to that.

If this were a scene from a romance book, Zayn might wrap Louis up in his arms, bring them as close as possible while sprinkling small kisses all over him. He would murmur something like _I love you_ with every touch of skin.

But like--that’s not how life works, not for Louis.

Zayn kisses him like he’s in a rush for it to lead to something else, something more. He tastes like weed and alcohol, like a familiar escape, and the way Zayn’s hands are roaming around his back, scratching at him through his clothes, let Louis know this is going somewhere fast.

 

They’re in public, late at night, but who cares?

 

Zayn’s all the way on top of him, grinding down against Louis, and he can’t help but let out a moan as Zayn’s mouth travels, brushing his way down, biting against his jaw before sucking down to his neck. They’re close in a way that’s cold, like Zayn’s not putting any emotion into this at all-- probably because Louis isn’t who he really wants, isn’t Liam.

“Want to go back to mine?”

Zayn sounds out of breath; Louis hates that there’s few things he likes more than the sight of Zayn on top of him.

He doesn’t want to go, not at all. The whole night feels off and he wants to be back with Niall and Harry, away from Zayn and whatever kind of hold he’s got on Louis.

“Yeah.”

He sounds wrecked, which fits the fact that he’s about to be fucked.

  
  
  


The walls in Zayn's room are covered with posters of superheroes, rock stars, and pictures of his friends. His own artwork covers up the space above his bed, and when Louis rides Zayn that night, Zayn calls him Liam and then--

  
  
  
  


Niall's house is deserted. The lawn is full of empty bottles of beer, a few stray articles of clothing, but the lights are on inside and Louis can hear Niall laughing through the door.

His eyes are stinging, nose running because of the crying, and his phone won't stop vibrating. There's no way Zayn’s apology is genuine so he opts for knocking on the door, hoping Niall will let him spend the night.

Louis is bad at being alone when he's upset. He does this thing where he blames everything on himself, a habit he picked up from his mom, and even now, standing on Niall's porch as he reaches up to press the doorbell, his mind is racing with a million ways he's fucking everything up.

The door swings open, Niall's laughter echoing as he faces Louis.

"Lou? You okay mate, you look like shit."

"Ni, please, can I stay with you tonight?"

The desperation in his tone makes him feel even more pathetic, but Niall pulls him in for a hug, and Louis lets go.

  
  
  


 

Harry's in Niall's living room, sitting in Josh's lap in a weird drug fueled cat imitation. Louis starts to say hi to everyone in the room, stops mid-word when Liam walks in.

He thinks he gets it, why Zayn's so in love with him, because Liam's got good human being written all over his gorgeous face, and Louis considers them friends, even if it's a bit distant, but Louis is still sore from Zayn earlier and every time he moves, he's reminded of how Zayn has to think of someone else to be with him and that's--

Shitty.

So he ignores Liam holding his arms out hoping for a hug, spends the rest of the night tucked into Niall’s side, half crying, half spaced out and numb, while Harry strokes his back and begs to know what happened, trying to convince himself that this time he and Zayn really are over.

  
  


They're not.

  
  
  
  


Niall is really popular. Like, really. Two weeks after what Louis personally refers to as LiamGate, hes back on the lawn, this time on top of Harry's lap as the two drink and smoke.

It's the most intimate he's been with anyone in far too long. He likes how Harry holds him tight,  like he's afraid Louis will float away if he doesn't keep him close.

 

Maybe it's the smoke, or the way Harry’s lips feel against his as they shotgun, but Louis feels stable for the first time in a long time, not like he’s just been through hell and back, hell in the form of Zayn Malik.

Naturally Zayn shows up then. He's frowning at Louis and Harry, looking a bit green with envy.

Louis can't help but let out an obnoxious noise at that.

"You gonna join us?" Harry's giving Zayn a lazy smile, oblivious to the look of distrust he's being given, too wrapped up in being _Harry_ to see Zayn.

Zayn shakes his head, now looking Louis straight in the eye.

"No, Louis and I are gonna head out."

 

It might be his imagination, but he thinks Harry holds him closer at that.

 

"But he's with me."

 

Yeah--he is.

 

Zayn holds his hand out, expecting Louis to reach up and take it, to just go with him everywhere.

He hides behind Harry.

"Louis.." Zayn's speaking slowly now, almost like a warning,  "Come with me."

"I don't think he wants to, mate. Just sit with us."

Louis doesn't know when he started letting other people speak for him, it might have been around the time the most beautiful boy he’s ever known took him to bed, and left him to wake up alone the next morning.

Zayn breathes out an exasperated sigh.

"Just fucking come with me, I need to fucking talk to you."

Louis shakes his head. He doesn't much care about Zayn right now. His head feels funny.

"Louis I--"

 

The door smacks open, and he sees.

 

Liam’s holding hands with a girl from their grade, and--

 

Zayn looks at him with a look that says he’s near tears, and well. He’s second best at dating Zayn, but maybe this time, it’s enough.

Louis knows Zayn won't be around afterwards but he goes anyway.

  
  
  
  


Zayn's cuddling into his side on the couch, fingers entwined in his, shaking, as Louis whispers that _everything will be okay_ and kisses his temple.

 

It's quiet for most of the night, except for the fact that there's a party going on around them, but Louis and Zayn are off in their own world. Zayn leans up to press a kiss to the side of his mouth--they don't do this where people can see--before--

 

"I wish you were him."

 

Yeah. Louis knows.

  
  


There's no pretending tonight. Louis leaves marks all over Zayn, sucks a dark bruise on his neck while Zayn writhes beneath him, as if that would be enough to keep him.

“I love you.”

It’s half a moan, half a declaration and--Zayn doesn’t say anything.

They're both so gone.

Zayn rests his head on Louis' chest while Louis rubs his back.

"Is it Harry?"

Louis shakes his head.

"It's you."

Zayn nods like he knew it was coming before kissing his cheek and leaving.

 

Louis doesn't sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this, aw yay thanks!
> 
> Follow me on twitter @niameiffeltower  
> Tumblr: zaynlannister
> 
> Shout out to Jasmine for being the best friend I've ever had & Hazza for putting up with my late at night tinhatting. 
> 
> (also, listen to Best Coast.)


End file.
